Category Archives: Uncategorized

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Being Blown Off? Take The Time To Find Out Why

I've missed you so much

I just reconnected with a friend that I haven’t seen in 10 years. It’s shocking to me that it has been that long. We were close friends in college but as life, kids and marriages took over, getting together got harder and harder.

The rest of my roomies and I would try to get her to come to girls’ weekends over the years but she could never make it and what seemed to be a dismissal of the worthwhileness of the weekend left me bummed out and frustrated.  How could she not want to get together?  Why doesn’t she want to hang out with us?  Unfortunately, a funeral brought us back together but seeing her again brought back so many fun memories and I realized how much I have missed her.

Here are my recommendations for handling a friend that you feel has been blowing you off for a long time:

1.  Stop being pissed and flat out ask her why she never shows up. Don’t assume she just doesn’t want to be a part of the group.  It turns out my friend was traveling for work so much that she felt guilty not staying home with her kids when she wasn’t working- but I never once took the time to say, “What’s really up with you? Why aren’t you coming with us?” Pick up the phone and really connect.

2.  Welcome her back with open arms like you haven’t missed a beat. Don’t dwell on the absence. If she finally shows up be excited to see her and remember how close you once were. Hug her with open arms. I’ll admit, I made a snide remark “who’s fault is it that we haven’t seen each other?” and she took the blame, but that wasn’t the place where I should have said something.  She was happy to see me and I was happy to see her.

3.  Take the time to catch up on her life. This will give you more insight into why she hasn’t gone on your girls’ trips or attended events that are important to you.  I found out so much about my friend.  She has had some major health issues, struggled with one of her kids, has so much going on work wise –  all this information added a whole new perspective to what I thought was going on.

If you truly feel that your friendship wasn’t that great to begin with or your friend is just blowing you off because she wants nothing to do with you, then let her go.  But usually there is more to the story and you shouldn’t wait 10 years to hear it.

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Purple Rain

Purple ribbons

Today I had to attend a funeral for a child – one of my closest friends’ daughters. The wake and funeral lived up to the expectations that you would have of such an event – tragic, heartbreaking, devastating, sad, overwhelming and horrifying.  We were all overcome by bouts of intense emotion and sadness and I worry that my dear friend will never be the same again.

One ray of light that shone over the services was not only the amazing support from friends and family but also the incredible support from the community.

On a girls’ trip a few months ago my friend said, “We have lived in our town for two years and I feel like I have to make more of an effort to connect with the parents. We still tend to hang out with our friends from our old neighborhood.” (Note: my friend is one of the sunniest and friendliest people on the planet.  Her idea of not connecting and mine are probably totally different, but this is how she was feeling about her assimilation into her new neighborhood.)

Well, if she honestly was not connecting with the community then I don’t know what happened because the whole town turned purple. Purple! Her daughter’s favorite color. Purple ribbons surrounded trees and lampposts. So much love and support for her daughter and the family. In addition, the neighborhood lit luminaries along the streets that my friend used to drive home from the wake. She was so touched and humbled by the love and support that she received not only from her community but also from so many people from different places in their lives.

Unfortunately, it takes an event like death to illuminate how truly special we are and that every interaction that we have with people every day leaves an impression. We all have more of an impact on others than we think and more shoulders to lean on in difficult times then we can imagine.


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Really – There’s an Age Limit for Wearing Jeans?

There was an article on Yahoo the other day about a survey that was taken in England about what age people felt it was time to stop wearing jeans.

As an avid jeans wearer and lover of jeans I was very curious to find out what that age was and I was shocked by the answer. The median age from the survey was – wait for it . . .


Now to a 20 or 30-year-old, 53 is probably the equivalent in their mind to age 100, but to someone in their late 40’s, 53 is not that far away and does NOT seem that old.

If you are wearing the same style of jeans that you wore when you were 18 and haven’t updated your look or the awful “mom” jean– then I agree, it is time to let those babies go.  But if you are staying current with the latest jeans styles and keep yourself together, I don’t see any reason why you can’t wear jeans until your 70’s.

The same holds true for the bikini.  Someone asked me whether or not I thought a woman who is 50 should wear a bikini.  I say if she feels good in it or has a great body – why not?  I see plenty of young girls wearing bikinis who should definitely NOT be.  There are two fitness instructors in my gym who recently turned 50 and they look fantastic.  I have seen one of them in a bikini and she ROCKS it!

People have preconceived notions about what people of a certain age look like and with exercise, healthy living, fillers, etc. women look better than ever and are shattering those stereotypes.  A “how to get a job over 40 webinar” that I watched recently said “talk about exercise with the employer so that they know you have enough energy to do the job.”  WHAT? My God, I have more energy than ever.  That cracked me up.  The stereotypical portrait of a 50-year-old really needs to be revised.

I for one, will not be retiring my jeans at 53.

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“Parents teach in the toughest school in the world — The School for Making People. You are the board of education, the principal, the classroom teacher, and the janitor….You are expected to be experts on all subjects pertaining to life and living….There are few schools to train you for your job, and there is no general agreement on the curriculum. You have to make it up yourself.

Your school has no holidays, no vacations, no unions, no automatic promotions or pay raises. You are on duty or at least on call 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for at least 18 years for each child you have. Besides that, you have to contend with an administration that has two leaders or bosses, whichever the case may be — and you know the traps two bosses can get into with each other. Within this context you carry on your people-making. I regard this as the hardest, most complicated, anxiety-ridden, sweat and blood producing job in the world.”  

– Virginia Satir, a leader in the family therapy field

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Does Anyone Else Miss Paper Towels in Bathrooms?

I know it’s not PC to admit that you like using paper towels in bathrooms but I have to admit that I really miss those paper towel dispensers.

I know that these fancy air dryers are saving trees and keeping the bathroom cleaner.  I get it, but honestly, it takes so much longer to dry your hands under the dumb dryer and I just end up wiping my hands on my pants.  I will give kudos to Nordstrom who probably has the best air dryers around, but even so, there’s something freaky about g-force winds sucking the water off your hands before you leave the bathroom.

Can’t you just put some paper out with the dryers so that those of us who want a paper towel can get one?  Is it too much to ask?  I promise I will put my paper towel in the trash can.